she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
