My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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