my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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