I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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