she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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