he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
