Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
