The maid of honor just puked.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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