fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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