You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
