I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
