The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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