I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
