Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
