She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
