every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just blew my weed a kiss
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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