Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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