Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
