I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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