dude i'm inner monologue high
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
