Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
