Sry I called you an 8
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
