omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
