Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
