he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
