Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
