I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
