Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
