I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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