dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
