i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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