i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
