i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
