dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
