It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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