how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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