allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
