a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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