I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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