Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
