When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
