he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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