Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
