I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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