I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm always down for nudity.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
