I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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