dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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