Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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