i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hippo gnu deer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Boobs speak an international language.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
