Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
