We should be called the Road Head Warriors
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I smell like Dick and happiness
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
