im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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